Try to be very open, and we'll have Hilda do her chant. And try to stay very open to receive this energy that will come to you. The thing you have to understand once and for all for the rest of your life is it isn't Hilda and it isn't me, but if you ever have hopes of having a spiritual life, when you open, you open beneath all of your tensions, all of your mind, all of your emotions, and if you don't do that, you're taking Hilda's energy or my energy, and you're certainly taking God's energy and putting it into deadness. You can't put it into the expression of yourself; you can't put it into anything of you. You want to allow the force to get beneath everything so that it can open something deep in your unconscious and you can grow spiritually. Spiritual growth is not reacting on the surface, it's not jumping around and being ecstatic and being excited. It's to let the energy go into a deeper place in yourself than it's ever gone before, and this should happen every single day, and this should happen, if possible, all day long. We'll ask Hilda to please bless us with a chant. (Hilda chants)
One of the things which is so remarkable about nature is the fact that you take from a whole, like the seed that comes from a plant, when you take this whole bunch of seeds that come out of one plant, or you separate a bunch of garlic and you separate it into cloves and you plant it, and each part makes a full clove of garlic, each seed makes a full plant.
We as people seem not to understand this capacity, which is natural in nature, that by separating, you multiply within yourself a quantity, a creative quantity, and each part becomes complete in itself. So if we separate one person to the other, when we become friends with somebody, it's always at the cost of a relationship. When we love someone it's at the cost of many people. We have never learned to take a piece of love from ourselves and plant it in another human being and make a complete new relationship. We have never been able to separate enough to really do this.
And to grow spiritually is to encompass everything so that we can open in ourselves and give a piece of ourselves to another person, to another teaching, to another aspect of our life, and we develop that way because we really have separated. But this thing of reaching from something in yourself and have it bounce back like a rubber band is not separating, it's reaching and touching and then running back and hiding because we don't have the real courage inside ourselves to make a real move.
It takes tremendous guts to open and let always this energy soak into you in a deeper place where you never felt it before, and you open and expose part of yourself, part of your past karma, so that it can grow and become whole again.
Every person you meet in this life has to do with something of the past, and when we really take from ourselves in this life and really open and reach and give, we really are completing, and the clove of garlic becomes a whole ball of garlic. We really are completing an entire psychic karmic relationship. But it has to be complete, it has to be separate, it has to be individual. But collectiveness is only good for growing on a physical level, separating is essential on a spiritual level, because after we become whole, or as close to whole as we might ascribe to be in this lifetime, we begin to detach, we begin to mature and really allow, in the maturing process, to accumulate, to encompass many relationships and many other people. But these have to be completely separate, where they only have a connectedness in the fact that one matures and frees the other. But never should one take away from another. Never should one lessen or in any way compete or make tensions for the other. These things, which make tensions, are really reflections of our mind, not being able to free ourselves from a deep enough place where we can really be responsible, where we can see that we can exist in a separate and complete way with many different people.
Because the nature of man as he lives on the earth, even at this level, is that at the same time there are people living in hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of different dimensions. And we, seeing this sameness, or seeing only the difference between rich and poor or what we think is good or bad or things that we like or things that we don't like are only separating to make tensions. They're not separating to see differences; they're separating to stay the same. Because the separation keeps us the way we always have been. The real separation that changes us is the separation that encompasses everybody and everything. So we begin to understand that even though somebody is teaching something or doing something different than us, it is right, but it is on a different level and a different dimension and it is still serving completely, and we respect it and leave it alone. And this should be how we exist with everybody -- either we participate completely, or we respect and leave something alone. Because everyone has a separate world, and it is really the expression of what they need at a particular time. If you can't help and really give nourishment to it, then at least you close in yourself, you respect inside yourself, you detach and you go away. But you don't fight because any fighting, any negativity, brings you under the level of this thing that you're attacking, and you become caught up, encompassed in that level. You're under the tension and under the negativity of a quantity, which you identify as being less than you. It may be less, it may not be less, but it's none of your business at all. You either take a positive energy, a positive quantity from a situation, or you rise above it and leave it be.
And we always have this, we do our exercise, we should be sitting here as individuals completely separate from each other, in the world of energy that we have, that expresses our particular growth at the moment.
Somebody breathes hard, somebody doesn't breathe hard, it is none of our business, because we should be drawing this energy from God, this creative energy into ourselves and bringing it through all of our chakras so that it begins to ripen and allow us to have a complete cycle of energy unifying us. We become complete in ourselves by drawing this energy into every aspect, every muscle and every cell in our body. But all of this outside identification only takes energy and puts it into something which is not giving us nourishment, and we do not have positive connections with, then we are wasting it, and that is the primary sin of life because life is creative energy, either we are using it positively or we're not. And any outside negative quantity is really using our energy against ourselves.
Is there anyone who doesn't understand anything of what I said or has a question about anything?
Yes.
Question: About this quantity, sometimes I think I know what you mean, but other times
Rudi: Well, you are born each day with a certain energy capacity for the day, do you understand? And that should attract, because it's your life force, that life force should attract certain things for your day. And how you spend it is just like spending your money, you come to the city, and you have so much money to spend. And if you spend it wisely, you really have all the things that you need, and you may have a little left over, and then you use that for a conscious purpose. Well, in the same way, your psychic energy, your spiritual energy, your life energy should bring to you something which you can see representing growth, representing transcending, getting away from tensions, changing patterns. It's a very real thing that you see in maturity, that you look for maturity, and if you don't feel it in a natural way, then you do it in a conscious way.
It's like walking into Altman's and you know that the boys need shoes, and you see a dress marked down from $75 to $40. It may be a bargain, but it really isn't anything that you need, do you understand? And you say, no, I can't spend money this way; I can't spend my energy that way. And you pull back, right, and then you have a very small sense of gratification that what you did what was right for you.
It's terrible that we need to be like children, but yet we are like children, and when we can recognize that and say, no, I can't afford that, or somebody comes into the store, and they're a particularly sweet person, they're very charming, and you can stand and talk to them for four hours, right? But there's a customer and there's a student and there's a prospective student, that's my responsibility, do you understand? So you have a simple maturity of how you spend your energy. And you may enjoy spending it in a way that has no return, or may even become costly. And it's really using energy for pleasure instead of using it for growth. And when you use energy for growth it's like money that you use for growth; you invest it; you save; you can afford to buy something later, which is very vital. Do you understand?
So if you don't spend your energy every day in a conscious way, if you don't save it, if you don't continually re-invest it, not because you know that's the right thing to do and you want to do it for that reason, but because you are a thrifty housewife, right? Well, I have lived my life that way for a long, long time. And you finally look and you have later that choice and you say well, I really didn't need that kind of a choice; I needed it twenty years ago. But I no longer have to make that kind of a choice. Unless you consciously work your patterns and really express your energy in a conscious way, you'll never know that you're free. And a lot of you are free of a lot of things that you were caught on ten years ago, fifteen years ago, do you understand? But you haven't lived quietly long enough, or you haven't lived quietly for three months, that you really can't see yourself as you are. And you can see yourself as you are when you in a sense normalize for a little bit, you begin to see when you really have a choice that a few times. You really will do this and you'll do that. You really have value. We really don't get to our values because we're living with tensions; we're living with all kinds of surface and superficial tension. Do you understand?
Does anyone else have a question?
I had a man down who is the editor of my book and the publisher, and we went over the manuscript last week for about five hours, and I had to apologize a few times because it was a very, very busy day and I had to go back to the store. I had to come back, but I had really what should have been a month's work, and I'm finishing it in five days. Not because I have to do it, but because I want to put that discipline on myself.
You do those things because if you can have discipline in one area, do you understand, then you say, oh my God, look, and you really have a small sense of pride. It's childish, these things, they're really childish, but they really free you.
It is not the big things that destroy you eventually; it's the little things. It's the little sloppy ends and when you can really use your mind to give yourself that responsibility and discipline then you really can succeed because you have energy and a discipline that you can work into something big.
George, what was your question?
Something happened to me, a situation came up today. I had to interview somebody who was applying for a job. And while I was talking to him I realized that there was an awful lot of energy in the room, and I suddenly realized it was coming out of his eyes, and I couldn't look at him, it was too strong. I didn't want to look at him, because I was afraid I might be right. And finally I said, look, have you ever done anything, have you ever done any psychic work? And he said yes, he'd been into it a long time ago, and he'd done a lot of it and he'd had a nervous breakdown, etcetera. And it was . . . It's a true seeker on the path. And while he was staring at me, it was like it, almost like if I had looked in his eyes it would've been like a class . . .
Yeah, but you couldn't afford to live with him.
And I kept looking away
I know, but that's real, I mean, you see one thing we have to understand is that there is such a thing as real prejudice. And there are certain people, it's not true of somebody else, but for you there are certain people you can't live with. You said that as well the other day, remember, about somebody? There are certain people that we cannot tolerate. They may be perfectly good, but they screw up our chemistry. And you don't have to prove anything, because you're responsible for you, and if you can't do your own work, if you can't grow because you're trying to prove that you're not prejudiced then you really will never be able to help yourself, and you'll never be able to come and help that kind of a person. It's more than you can bear at this particular moment.
But it's so easy to be intimidated by a quantity that shows talent. You can throw a bum on the street out of your place. Because you can really look and feel this thing, but sometimes there are people who are overly talented in a way, which is completely contrary to the way, you can grow. And there has to be harmony so that we assimilate the energy that really exists with us. And it's right it would drive you straight up a wall.
So when I meet someone like this, should I invite him to come here to you?
No. If you don't want to live with it, why should I want to live with it? Some of you must think that I'm running a wild animal show. That if you can't bear somebody, they're so overbearing and they're so terrible and they're so this or that they have a tremendous brutal energy -- I'm not trying to beat the circus out of having six crazy lions on one side of the room and six crazy tigers on the other. I'm not trying to run a mental hospital. I'm not trying to run a healing ward. I'm not trying to do anything. I'm trying to get people who can grow who also don't eat up my quantity beyond the point that's irreparable.
Because to serve is to really be able to replenish, and if somebody rips you out it really doesn't do you any good. You have to work within the context of your capacity, and it has to have intelligence. These things have to be rational and they have to be simple, and it always happens this way because it's super-dramatic and the person did this and they did that, and all of these things, which represent like dynamite. It's like a spiritual weatherman. This guy can go around and blow you apart. That doesn't mean it's constructive. It wasn't constructive for him, right? You can see the freshness, look at her, the lady who came today, she has a sweetness. It really is a thing of sweet cream. You look and you can feel it. You can smell it. You can taste it. It's nourishing. It doesn't require a great deal of talking. You look at her; it's like a beautiful and a good child. It talks for itself. But when you have to talk yourself into it, it's because you're talking through your nervous tensions. And what you need is a quiet, sweet quantity, someone with nourishment, and someone with depth.
Should a person -- should I have a desire? I mean, what should you do with desires?
Well, it depends on whether you can afford them. But you have a very erratic energy still, Sonja, right? It's like you're the only one you can trust, and you have to be again quiet and simple with it. I try to pick people for content, and it's very strange, I really learned this. It's like one of the greatest things I ever learned, I learned reading the Reader's Digest. And I explained it to people years ago, I was sitting one day reading the Reader's Digest, this great spiritual book, and there was a little story about a great French lady writer, I think it was Colette, and she was dictating her memoirs, and she stopped, she was an old, old lady then, and she said, My God, if I knew my life was so wonderful, I would've enjoyed it so much more. And it really struck me deep, deep in my heart, I thought, my God, look at your life, you have such an incredible life, people look and you should've been triplets to share it three ways. You have to start and pull back a little bit and really enjoy it. Enjoy it yourself, don't let it just give pleasure to other people, enjoy it more. So I'm very happy to say, I take students that I love to hug and that I love to kiss and I love to smell and I love to feel, and really feel a sense of exchange. I really love them. It's a commitment in love, and the corniest thing in the world is in the front of every church, is the expression that God is love. But it's true, I grow because of that love, and I need it. And why should you have around you less than that, particularly. Look at all these silly faces, it's available. If it wasn't available, that's something else, but it's like going and buying fruits and vegetables, which are three-quarters rotten, when you can go someplace where there is really the availability of really fresh produce. So why have this other kind of quantity in your life? And one of the things, too, was similar to the Reader's Digest was always the commentary that I always heard about people who would talk about a teacher, and they'll say oh, yes, he's a wonderful teacher or she's a wonderful teacher, but look at those terrible people around him, it makes you wonder. And I thought well, maybe you're not so clever, maybe your soul isn't so involved, but at least pick very nice people around you so even if you're not so much, at least they'll look around and say are nice tomatoes and strawberries and radishes and cucumbers, and you'll look better too. And not only will you look better, you'll begin to feel better, you become part of the reflected energy of the group around you.
I know when I came down for breakfast this morning and there were 25 people having breakfast with me, and I loved them, it really made my breakfast good, and I had a very difficult week. But I look at all of them and I really love them, and I was so grateful that they came to stay here with me. This is not anything being put on me; nobody is sitting on me and forcing their way into my house. It is a deep pleasure and a deep honor, and I am grateful for them. I am grateful to have them as my children, as my friends, as whatever it is. And unless you feel that, then what are you doing? You're living an illusion. The reality is that you really have around you what you want. Why should it not be like that?
So this man with the crazy eyes who had the nervous breakdown, this is not anything but somebody who tried and failed. He'll never get the Nobel Prize. But also it's not your business because you need healthy people around you for yourself. You can't afford otherwise. And I'm perfectly willing to give my love and attention and my consciousness and my effort to people who I feel a return from, I'm willing to fight for them, I'm willing to work for them, I'm willing to love them because they love me. And one of the most wonderful things once when I was really going wild because the energy was turning and burning in me, and I hugged one of the boys here, and I hugged him again, and I felt a little bothered, so I said is it too much for you? And he said, no, I'm good for another hour. And I loved it, it was a beautiful, sweet expression, and I'm sure he was good for six hours more. But it's a real need, this kind of exchange, but when we're embarrassed and we don't feel we can express our need, then what are we doing? We are really not using a quantity, which is available, and we're not giving a quantity, which is available.
I give a great deal, I have to take a great deal, and the most ridiculous thing is when people will come and say oh well, you don't need anything. I don't need anything, I need everything. Hilda needs everything -- anyone who is teaching and giving needs everything, and I mean, all the best things. They need love, they need respect, they need quiet, they need to be given a bar of soap and a loaf of bread and a little perfume and all the things that represent whatever it is that will make them a little bit happier as a sign. I love it that some of you came and brought me a piece of watermelon. I enjoyed that, it gave her a chance to open, and it gave me a chance to open to her. And when we don't do this in our life with people, then we forget that life really is a quantity and we really have to keep getting symbols of that quantity. We all need that.
Hilda was glad to come and I was very, very happy to call her, and I'd call her 14 times a week if it was necessary, because if she's shy then I should be bold and if she's bold then I should be shy. So whatever it is, but you can't know.
We all go up and we go down and we go around and around, and you have to tell the people whom you love that you love them over and over and over again. And in the Bible it says ask and you shall receive. It doesn't mean that you should ask once a week or once a year, you ask ten thousand times a week. And I ask and ask and ask and ask and ask. And then you ask fifty times and a hundred times and you ask the fifty-first time, and suddenly you really feel your heart open. The Bible did not say how many times to ask or how many times not to ask but it's true of everything in life: if you don't want, then don't try. But if you're going to want and you're going to try, then you keep asking until you really feel a connection in you, you really feel this thing of God flowing through you, and you feel grateful. Very deeply grateful for your life. It is given, our life is given. So what is it to ask once or ask twice, until you really feel the fact of it being given, you feel the creative flow coming through you and you understand that it is a gift, you have failed completely in your asking because you haven't asked enough to get the channel open. And if the channel isn't open, then you're not attached to this creative energy, you're attached to your stupidity, your tensions, which don't allow you to ask enough to really get this thing moving.
Is there anyone who doesn't understand?
You see, so many of you have the same problem that George spoke about, where you in a sense have good manners in a completely negative way, you can't say to somebody, I'm sorry goodbye, and in one second walk away from them. Or you want to work and help somebody who will go out tomorrow and start again the pattern that made them sick. You are flushing something, which will not stay clean for more than two minutes. And why? It's wrong of them to really demand from you something, which can be given to another quantity of person, which will really do something real. And if you take energy from here and you pour it into a situation, which continually destroys it, then there's something very sick in you, because you can't live decently, you can't live quietly. I stayed home last night and I'm staying home tonight and I'll probably stay home tomorrow night. Because I've had a very difficult ten days, and there are a lot of things growing in me and changing in me and moving in me and I want them to move and change and burn until they really reach a new dimension and a new connection, I really want wonderful things in my life. I want to see changes in myself every single day. And if you don't save your energy, if you don't stay in an atmosphere which can give you nourishment, you'll never build up your energy to the point where it will lift you from the patterns that are bothering you, it will take you away from a quantity that you don't want to be involved in.
And you must understand, you have to consciously in your mind, even if your emotions aren't there, even if your depth isn't there, you start doing the right thing because it will save your energy, and you keep asking and the thing will break in you. Your surrender will bring your energy in a deeper place in yourself, and you'll become affected. You'll get the muscle system to support the growth that you want.
Is there anyone else who has a question? (A question is asked)
No, you can leave them, it's not a life of their own, and it's another life. The life in your hands can never do anything, it's the life that can comes through as the energy gets through. But you really need it very quietly, they move, they move, you don't move, they don't move.
Does anyone else have a question? (A question is asked)
What do you feel? Excuse me? In your sex chakra?
Yes, in this whole area.
It really is one thing, it's like you know what a refining system is like? Where you put in a substance and it turns to mash, right? And then it distills and comes up, right? So the lower chakra is really where the energy gathers, it's like a still. You bring in energy, right, you bring in energy from the mind, the throat and the heart, and these come down into the lower chakra, just like barley or wheat or potatoes if, you're going to make alcohol. And this thing down there, by consciously bringing energy down and letting it come down and asking, you're beginning to make a mash. You're taking all of your energy, bringing it together and bringing it through your sex organs, which is the energy of creation. When you bring all the other chakra energy through the energy of creation, and it comes up the spine, it comes through these coils, right, and creation, the energy of creation becomes distilled, it becomes refined and it becomes the energy of recreation. So you're taking your ordinary physical energies, bringing them through your sex organs, and bringing them consciously up your spinal column, so you're refining your energy. And it's the refining of the energy that lets it penetrate deeper into your unconscious. So you bring it all the way down, it comes up to the top of the head, and it gathers there until it matures and it starts to seep into the brain.
Because when I ask
You're asking to open so that the energy that's stuck here in your chest will open and move to a lower chakra and a lower chakra and you keep asking until you feel like a conveyor belt, the substance coming in, the raw material coming in moves down until you can refine it. And you really grow spiritually, not from physical energy, but from the refining of physical energy. Do you understand now?
I feel like you're talking to something inside me
Yes, definitely. You haven't reached it yet, no, I know that, but this is part of -- your, I mean the plumbing is being fixed now, right? And you understand the plumbing is being repaired, so some of it goes through, some of it doesn't. But it will take place this winter, I guarantee it.
No, you see, those of you who have had difficult, very difficult emotional lives the last couple of years, or those of you who have taken dope in the past, what you've done is that you have destroyed part of the pipe system, part of the mechanism. So some goes through on Monday, some doesn't go out on Tuesday, it doesn't -- then the whole plant closes down for two weeks. It's really the price that you pay for misusing the mechanism, and slowly but surely, this thing is being rebuilt, and it all gets rebuilt in time because the body reconstitutes itself continually. And particularly when you're cycling, then you really are connecting yourself, and you feel much more than you did even a few weeks ago.
Right.
So it's very, it's like a deck being built. You push up one beam and then you dig, it was a mistake, you move it over, you keep doing this, and it takes place in time. There's no question about it. But all we do is really put energy through a mechanism, and we grow and it's absolutely simple.
You know, maybe it's just as far as I can see, but this energy becomes really refined . . .
Yes, and then it goes up your spine and it really starts to feed into your brain, and that's what really changes you. Everything changes -- you're here for a whole week, isn't that a change? How did you get in here, I wonder? No, but the same way Mike. I saw you, right, and I wanted you. Did anyone else want you? Right? And it's that. This is really what's important in this existence. And we all have to be wanted. We all have to be wanted, and why should you be any place unless somebody really wants you there. And if somebody wants you there, then you really should grow so that you really increase the flow between yourself and the energy. So in this case I'm the source of the energy, and when somebody else is sitting there, they're the source. But it really is to connect you this way so that you go up, that you really keep growing on the physical level until you really grow up and have the connection with God. So you're just connecting with me to get your mechanism right, and then you'll go to this level and be freed.
Does anyone else have a question?
Michael says I'm very emotional. How can I go about using my emotions?
Well, among other things, you can use it in your singing consciously. You can use it in your life when you talk to somebody. You have this great depth, so you try to open inside and you talk to them and you feel your life force go out, you pull it back and you feel it inside you as a flow of your own life force, and then you talk from that. But you talk from a depth in you, not from emotional tension, but you, in a sense, surrender your emotion into your depth, and then it becomes part of this life flow, and then you separate consciously. You do it when you sing; it's exactly the same principle that you use in your ordinary life. And then you have a control of energy.
The difference between a river that floods and a river that doesn't flood is that somebody puts up a dam, right, and you use the same energy, the same water, consciously. So you find that you can develop your voice if you can use the same control and detachment in your ordinary life, not only will you live better as a human being, your voice will develop too, because you have much more energy to work with. But you're still a woman-girl -- that's why I loved you when I saw you singing in Indiana.
I'm still a what?
You're still a woman, a girl, you have a more mature and a less mature thing, and it's charming. These things are to be enjoyed. You can hear yourself being 15 and being 30. And it's wonderful, it's really wonderful. And whoever loves you loves you because both things exist, and they should exist more consciously so you can even enjoy them more. But you see when we do that, then we give the most to everybody that we love; we really are giving the deepest because your gift of singing then goes into your gift of living. Then you don't have to sing to give, you can also live and give, do you understand? And it's a controlled energy, where you reach out and give nourishment, and you can put it into a person where they can receive it. The other way you're working off your tension instead of your depth of your creative energy. What we're here for is to control all of our energy so that we can surrender them, and we can really be free of this earth. And this is really what we're doing, and to have to ripen, and become sweet like any other fruit. So you can surrender, you can only surrender what you have in this life. And if your heart is immature, your mind is immature, your sexual chakra is immature -- all of these things in you have to be mature, they have to be sweet and luscious, and then you give it away.
What can you give God? A green apple, a green pear, a green banana? Only the sweetest things can be given away, and when they're given away, you're freed. So you give away something wonderful, a full heart. Right, with whipped cream slopping down the sides and filled with Tutti-Frutti and raspberry, and everything that a child would love, you give luscious, sweet, beautiful things in yourself, but how can you ever not come back to the earth if your heart is closed and tight and everything in you is closed and tight? This is like what qualifies you to go into heaven; it's giving away really like a string of pearls full, luscious quantity. And you don't go like a nun into an order because you can't find a life in life. Do you understand? You have to really say fine, I have all these things, I really understand what life is, what creativity is, I have matured, and it's fantastic. I have loved it, but I've had enough and I can surrender that to go into something, which has more maturity and more reality and more creativity. And spirituality is not using things, which don't function, it's to make things function, to have control and maturity, and you go above them. You grow above them, you have control and you have freedom. You become freed from things, you don't do things because of pressure, you don't do things because of tensions, but you eat the tension and you eat the pressure, and you use that energy, and it's very strong energy to open you. You surrender it inside and you draw the energy out of it and it opens and frees you. Does anyone else have a question?
Dean, is there anything to announce?
(End of Side A)