The thing you have to understand once and for all for the rest of your life, if it isn't Hilda or if it' isn't me, but if you ever have hopes of having a spiritual life, when you open you open beneath all of your tensions, all of your mind, all of your emotions and if you don't do that you're taking Hilda's energy or my energy and you're certainly taking God's energy and you're putting it into deadness. You can't put it into the expression of yourself, you can't allow it to get into anything of you. You either allow the forces to get beneath everything so that it can open something deep in your unconscious and you can grow spiritually. Spiritual growth is not reacting on the surface, it's not jumping around and being ecstatic and being excited. Let the energy go into a deeper place in yourself than it's ever gone before, and this should happen every single day, and if possible all day long.
(Hilda chants)
One of the things that I was telling Michael about nature is that you take from a whole, like a seed that comes from a plant. You take this whole bunch of seeds that come out of one plant, or you separate a bunch of garlic and you separate it into cloves and you plant part makes its own clove of garlic, each seed makes a full plant. And we have people who seem not to understand this capacity which is natural in nature, but by separating and multiplying within yourself a quantity, a creative quantity and each part becomes complete in itself. So as we separate one person from the other, we become friends with somebody, its always at the cost of a relationship.
If we love someone, it's the cost of many people. We can never learn to take a piece of love from ourselves and plant it in another human being and make a complete new relationship. We have never been able to separate enough to be able to do that. And to grow spiritually is to encompass everything so that we can open in ourselves and give a piece of ourselves to another person, to another teaching, to another aspect of our life. And we develop that way because we really have separated.
But this thing of reaching from something in yourself and have it bounce back like a rubber band is not separating. It's reaching and touching and then running back and hiding because we don't have the real courage inside ourselves to make a real meaning. It takes tremendous guts to open inside and let always this energy soak into you in a deeper place where you never felt before. And you open and expose part of yourself, part of your past karma so that it can grow and become whole again.
Every person you meet in this life has to do with something in the past, and when we really take from ourselves in this life and really open and reach and give, we really are completing and the clove of God becomes a whole clove of garlic. We really are completing an entire karmic relationship. But it has to be complete, it has to be separate, it has to be individual. But collectiveness is only good for growing on a physical level, separating is essential on a spiritual level because after we become whole or as close to whole as we might aspire to be in this lifetime, we begin to detach, we begin to mature and really allow in the maturing process to accumulate, to encompass many relationships and many other people. But these have to be completely separate where they only have a connection in the fact that one matures and frees the other. But never should one take away from another, never should one lessen or in any way compete or make tensions for the other.
These things which make tensions are really reflections of our mind, not being able to free ourselves from a deep inner place where we can really be responsible, where we see that we can exist in a separate and complete way with many different people.
Because the nature of man as he lives on the earth, even at this moment, is that at the same time there are people living in hundreds and hundreds of different dimensions, and we, seeing the sameness or seeing only the differences between rich and poor or what we think is good or bad or things that we like or things that we don't like, are only separating to make tensions. We're not separating to see differences, we're separating to stay the same because the separation keeps us the way we always have been.
The real separation that changes us is the separation that encompasses everybody and everything. So we begin to understand that even though somebody is teaching something or doing something different than us, it is right, but it is in a different level and a different dimension and it is still serving completely, and we respect and leave it alone. And this should be how we exist with everybody.
Either we participate completely or we respect and leave something alone. Because everyone has a separate world and it is really the expression of what they need at a particular time. If you can't help and really give nourishment to it than at least you close in yourself, you respect inside yourself, you detach and you go away.
But you don't fight because any fight, any negativity brings you under the level of this thing that you're attacking and you become caught up, encompassed in that level. You're under the tension and under the negativity of a quantity which you identify as being less than you. It may be less, it may not be less, but it's none of your business at all.
Either take the positive energy and positive quantity from a situation or you rise above it and leave it there. And we always have this. We have our exercise, we should be sitting here as individuals, completely separate from each other in the world that we have that expresses our particular growth in the moment.
Somebody breathes hard, somebody doesn't breathe hard, it is none of our business because we should be drawing this energy from God, this creative energy into ourselves and bringing it through all of our chakras so that it begins to ripen and allow us to have a complete cycle of energy unifying us.
We become complete in ourselves by drawing this energy into every aspect, every muscle, and every bone in our body. But all of this outside identification only takes energy and puts it into something which is not giving it nourishment and we do not have a positive connection with, then we are wasting it and that is the primary sin of life because life is creative energy. Either we're using it positively or we're not. And any outside negative quantity is really using energy against ourselves.
QUESTION: (inaudible)
RUDI: Now you're born each day with a certain energy capacity for the day. And that should attract, because it's your life force. Your life-force should attract certain things for you there, and how you spend it is just like spending your money.
You come to the city and you have so much money to spend and if you spend it wisely you really have all the things that you need and you may have a little left over, and then you use that for a conscious purpose. Well the same way with your psychic energy, your spiritual energy. Your life energy should bring to you something which you can see representing growth, representing transcending, getting away from tensions, changing patterns.
It's a very real thing that you feel maturity, that you look for maturity and if you don't feel it in a natural way then you do it in a conscious way. It's like walking into Altman's, the way you know that the boys need shoes and you see a dress marked down from $75 to $40. It may be a bargain, but it isn't really anything that you really need. And you say no, I can't spend money this way. I can't spend my energy that way. And you pull back and then you have a very small sense of gratification that you did what was right for you.
It's terrible that we need to be like children, but yet we are like children and when you can recognize that and you can say "no, I can't afford that," or somebody comes into the store and they're a particularly sweet person, they're very charming and you can stand and talk to them for four hours, but there's a customer and there's a student and there's a perspective student, that's my responsibility.
So you have a simple maturity of having spent the energy. And you may enjoy spending it in a way that has no return, or maybe become costly. But it's really using energy for pleasure instead of using it for growth. And when you use energy for growth, it's like money that you use for growth. If you invest it, you save; you can afford to buy something later which is very
then you say, "My God look," you really have a small sense of pride.
It's childish, these things, it's really childish, but they really free you and it's not the big things that destroy you eventually, it's the little things. It's the little sloppy ends and then you can really use your mind to give yourself that responsibility and discipline then you really can succeed because you have an energy and a discipline, you can work independently.
QUESTION: Something happened today when I was talking to Bob, and while I was talking to him I realized there was an awful lot of energy in the room and I suddenly realized that it was coming out of his eyes and I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to look at him. And I asked him if he'd ever done any psychic work and he said, "Yes, I was into it a long time ago" and while he was staring at me, if I looked into his eyes it would have been like a class -
RUDI: Yes, but you can't afford to live with him. You see one thing you have to understand, there is such a thing as real prejudice. And there are certain people, it's not true of somebody else, but for you there are certain people you can't live with. There are certain people that we cannot tolerate. T hey may be perfectly good, but they screw up our chemistry. And we don't have to prove anything because you're responsible for you; and if you can't do your own work; if you can't grow because you're trying to prove that you're not prejudiced, then you'll never be able to help yourself; you'll never be able to come and help that kind of a person.
It's more than you could bear at this particular moment But it's so easy to be intimidated by a quantity that shows talent.
You can throw a bum in the street out of your place because you can really look and feel this person. But sometimes there are people who are overly talented in a way which is completely contrary to a way we can grow. And there has to be harmony so that we can assimilate the energy that really exists for us. And it's right, it would drive you straight up the wall.
QUESTION: When I meet someone like this, should I enlighten him to come here?
RUDI: No. If you don't want to live with it, why should I want to live with it. Some of you must think that I'm running a wild animal show, that if you can't bear somebody; they're so overbearing and they're so this, but they have a tremendous brutal energy. I'm not trying to beat the circus out by having six crazy lions on one side of the room and six crazy tigers on the other. I'm not trying to run a mental hospital, I'm not trying to run a healing ward. I'm trying to get people who can grow who also don't eat up my quantity beyond the point that's irreparable.
Because to serve is to really be able to replenish. And if somebody rips you out, it really doesn't do you any good because you have to work within the context of your capacity, and it has to have intelligence. These things have to be rational and they have to be simple. And it always happens this way because it's super dramatic, and the person did this, and they did that, and all of these things which represent like dynamite-- . It's like a spiritual weatherman. This guy can go around and blow you apart. That doesn't mean it's constructive. It wasn't constructive for him. You can see the trespass. Hilda, we have a lady who came today, and she really is a thing of sweet cream. You can look and you can smell it and you can taste it. It's nourishing. It doesn't require a great deal of talking. When you look at it, because it's like a beautiful and a good child, it talks for itself. But when you have to talk yourself into it, because you're talking through your nervous tension, and what you need is a quiet, sweet quantity, someone with nourishment, someone with depth.
QUESTION: Should I have these desires or should I just accept whatever comes? What should you do with desires?
RUDI: Well, it depends on whether you can afford them. But you have a very eratic. energy still Sonja, right? It's like every other one you can trust and you have to be again quiet and simple with it. I try to seek people for content and it's very strange. I've really learned this, and it is like one of the greatest things I ever learned by reading the Reader's Digest. And I explained it to people years ago. I was sitting one day reading the Reader's Digest, a great spiritual book, and there was a little story about a great French lady writer; I think it was Colette, and she was dictating her memoirs and she stopped and she said, "My God, if I knew my life was so wonderful, I would enjoyed it so much more." That really struck me deep, deep in my heart. I said, "My God, look at your life, you have such an incredible life. People look and you should have been triplets to share it three ways."
You have to stop and pull back a little and enjoy it. Enjoy it yourself. Don't let it just give pleasure to other people; enjoy it more. So I'm very happy to say that I take students who I love to hug and I love to kiss and I love to smell and I love to feel and really feel a sense of exchange.
I really love them, it's a commitment in love. And the corniest thing in the world in front of every church is the expression that God is love. But it's true. I grow because of that love and I need it. And why should you have around you less than that, particularly- look at all of these silly faces-- it's available. If it wasn't available, it's something else. But it's like going and buying fruits and vegetables which are three-quarters rotten , when you can go someplace where there is really the availability of really fresh produce. So why have this other kind of quantity in your life.
One of the things too that was similar to the Reader's Digest was always-- I mean the commentary that I always heard about people who would talk about a teacher, and they would say, "Oh, yes, he's a wonderful teacher or she's a wonderful teacher," but look at the terrible people around them.
It makes you wonder. And I thought, "Well, maybe you're not so clever, and maybe your soul isn't so evolved but at least pick very nice people around you.
So even if you're not so much, at least you can look around and say, "gee these are nice tomatoes and strawberries and radishes and cucumbers and you'll look better, and not only will you look better, you'll begin to feel better.
You become part of the reflected energy of the group around you. And I know when I came down for breakfast this morning and there were twenty-five people having breakfast with me and I love them. It really made my breakfast good and I had a very difficult week. I looked at all of them and I really loved them and I felt so grateful that they came to stay here with me. This is not anything Dean put on me, nobody is sitting on me and forcing their way into my house. It was a deep pleasure and a deep honor and I'm grateful for them. I'm grateful to have them as my children, as my friends, as whatever it is. And unless you feel that, then what are you doing? You're living an illusion. The reality is that you really have around you what you want. Why should it not be like that?
So this man with the crazy eyes having a nervous breakdown. This is not anything, but somebody who tried and failed. He'll never get the Nobel Prize, but also it's not your business because you need healthy people around you for yourself. You can't afford otherwise, and I'm perfectly willing to give my love and my attention and my consciousness and my efforts to people who I feel a return from. I'm willing to fight for them. I'm willing to work for them. I'm willing to love them because they love me.
And one of the most marvelous things once when I was really going wild because the energy was churning and burning in me and I hugged one of the boys here and I hugged him again and I talked with him about it, and I said, "Is it too much for you?" And he said, "No, I'm good for another hour." And I loved it. It was a beautiful sweet expression-- I'm sure he was good for six hours more.
But it's a real need, this kind of exchange. But when we're embarassed and we don't feel we can express our needs then what are we doing. We really are not using a quantity which is available, and we're not giving a quantity which is available. I give a great deal. I have to take a great deal. And the most ridiculous thing is when people will come and say, "Oh, you don't
Need anything." I don't need anything, I need everything. Hilda needs everything. Anyone who is teaching and giving needs everything. And I mean all of the best things. They need love, they need respect. They need quiet. They need to be given a bar of soap and a loaf of bread and a little perfume and all of the things that represent whatever it is that will make them a little bit happier as a sign.
I love it-- Sonja came in a brought me a piece of watermelon. I enjoyed that. It gave her a chance to open and it gave me a chance to open to her. And when we don't do this; it is our life with people then we forget that life really is a quantity and we really have to keep getting symbols of that quantity. We all need that.
Hilda was glad to come and I was very, very happy to call her and I'd call her fourteen times a week if it was necessary, because if she's shy then I should be bold and if she's bold then I should be shy. So whatever it is But you can't know. We all go up and we go down and we go around and around and you have to tell the people who you love that you love them over and over and over again. And when the Bible said, "Ask and ye shall receive" it doesn't mean you ask once a week or once a year. You ask ten thousand times a week. And I ask and ask and ask and ask, and then you ask fifty times and a hundred times and you ask the fifty-first time and suddenly you really feel your heart open. The Bible did not say how many times to ask or how many times not to ask. But it's true of everything in life. If you don't want, then don't try. But if you're going to want and you're going to try, then you keep asking until you really feel a connection in you; you really feel this thing of God flowing through you, and you feel grateful, very deeply grateful for your life.
It is given. Our life is given. So what is it to ask once or ask twice? Until you really feel the fact of it being given, you feel the creative flow coming through you so you understand that it is a gift, you have failed completely in asking because you haven't asked enough to get the channel open. And if the channel isn't open then you're not attached to this creative energy, you're attached to your stupidity, your tensions which don't allow you to ask enough to really get this thing moving.
So many of you have the same problem that George spoke about where you in a sense have good manners in a completely negative way. You can't say to somebody, "I'm sorry, goodbye" and in one second walk away from them. But you want to work and help somebody who'll go out tomorrow and start again the pattern that made them sick.
You are flushing something which will not stay clean for more than a few minutes. And why? It's wrong for them to really demand from you something which can be given to another quantity of person which will really be something real. And if you take energy from here and you pour it into a situation which destroys it, then there's something very fishy here because you can't live peacefully, you can't live quietly.
I stayed last night and I'm staying home tonight and I'll probably stay home tomorrow night because I've had a very difficult ten days and there's a lot of things burning in me and changing in me and moving in me and I want them to move and change and burn until they really reach a new dimension and a new connection.
I really want wonderful things in my life. I want to see changes in myself every single day. And if you don't save your energy, if you don't stay in an atmosphere that can give you nourishment you'll never build up your energy to the point where it will lift you from the pattern that is bothering you. It will take you away from the quantity that you don't want to be involved with. You must understand, you have to consciously in your mind, even if your emotions aren't there, even if your depth isn't there, you start doing the right thing because it will save your energy when you keep asking and these things will break in you. You'll surrender and you'll bring your energy in a deeper place in yourself and you'll become affected. You'll get the muscles that will support the growth that you want
QUESTION: Over the weekend (inaudible)
RUDI: You can leave them. It's not a life of their own, it's another life. Life in your hands can never do anything. It's the lightness that comes through as the energy. But you really need to very quietly, if they move, they move.
QUESTION: (inaudible)-- having to do with the sex chakra.
RUDI: It really is one thing. It's like-- you know what a refining system is like? Where you put in a substance and it turns to mash and then it distils and comes up? So the lower chakra is really where the energy gathers, it's like a still. You bring in energy; you bring in energy from the mind, the throat and the heart. And these come down into the lower chakra just like barley or wheat or potatoes that you are going to make into alcohol, using this thing. And this thing down there, by consciously bringing energy down and letting it come down, and asking, you're beginning to make a mesh, you're taking all of your energy, bringing it together and bringing it through your sex organs which is the energy of creation. When you bring all of the other chakra energy through the energy of creation and it comes up the spine, it comes through these coils, right? And creation the energy of creation becomes distilled. It becomes refined and it becomes the energy of recreation. So you're taking your ordinary physical energy, bringing it through your sex organs and bringing them consciously up into the spinal column. So you're refining your energy. And it's the refining of the energy that lets it penetrate deeper into your unconscious. So you bring it all the way down, it comes up to the top of the head and it gathers there until it matures and it starts to seep into the brain. You're asking to open so that the energy that's stuck here in a sense will open and move to a lower chakra and then in the lower chakra you keep asking until you feel-- it's like a conveyor belt, the substance coming in, the raw material coming in, moves down until you can refine it. And you really grow spiritually, not from physical energy but from the refining of physical energy. You understand now?
QUESTION: I feel like you're talking to something inside me.
RUDI: Yes. Definitely. You haven't reached it yet, I know that. But I mean in you the plumbing is being fixed now. And you understand the plumbing is being repaired and some of it goes through, some of it doesn't but it'll take place this winter. I guarantee it. I see those of you who've had very difficult emotional lives the last couple of years or those of you who have taken dope in the past, what you've done is that you have destroyed part of the pipe system, part of the mechanism, so some goes through on Monday, some doesn't go on Tuesday and then the whole plant closes down for two weeks. And it's really the price that you pay for misusing the mechanism and slowly but surely this thing is being rebuilt. And it all gets rebuilt in time because the body reconstitutes itself continually. And particularly when you're cycling then you really are connecting inside. And you feel much more than you did even a few weeks ago So, it's almost like the deck being built, right? You push in one beam then you dig and you make a mistake and then you move it over and you keep doing this and it takes place inside. There's no question about it. But all we do is really put energy through a mechanism and we grow and it's absolutely simple.
QUESTION: Well, maybe this is as far as I can see, but when energy comes up your spine Yes, and then it goes up your spine -
RUDI: Yes, and then it really starts to feed into your brain, and that's what really changes you. Everything changes. You're here for a whole week , isn't that a change? How'd you get in, I wonder? I saw you. Why did I want you? Did anyone else want you? And it's that. This is really what's important in this existence. we all have to be wanted. We all have to be wanted, and why should we be anyplace unless somebody really wants you there. And if somebody wants you there then you really should grow so that you really increase the flow between yourself and the energy. So in this case, I'm the source of the energy, when somebody else is sitting here, they're the source of the energy, but it really is connected this way so that you go up, that you really keep growing on the physical level so that you really go up and you really have a connection with God. So you're just connecting with me to get your mechanism right and then we'll go this way and be free . Does anyone else have a question?
QUESTION: Michael says I'm very emotional. How can I work to be more emotionless?
RUDI: Well among other thing you can use it in your singing consciously. You can use it in your life, when you talk to somebody. You have this great depth. So you try to open inside and you talk to them and you feel your life force go out; you pull it back and you feel it inside you as a flow of your own life-force and then you talk from that. You talk from a depth in you, not from emotional tension. But you, in a sense, surrender your emotion into your depth and let it become part of this life-flow, and then you separate consciously. You do it when you sing. It's exactly the same principle as you do in your ordinary life. And then you have a controlled energy.
The difference between a river that floods and a river that doesn't flood is that somebody puts up a dam and you use the same energy and the same water consciously. So you find that you can develop your voice, if you use the same control and detachment in your ordinary life that will mean that you will live better as a human being. Your voice will develop because you'll have much more energy then. But you're still a woman-girl, that's why I loved you when I saw you singing in Indiana. You're still a woman girl. You have a more mature and a less mature thing, and it's charming. These things are to be enjoyed. You can see yourself being fifteen and being thirty, and it's wonderful, it's really wonderful. And whoever loves you because both things exist, and they should exist more consciously so that you can even enjoy them more. But you see when we do that, then we give the most to everybody that we know, we really are giving our deepest because your gift of singing then goes into your gift of living, so you don't have to sing to give, you can also live and give, understand?
And it's a controlled energy where you reach out and give nourishment and you can put it into a person where you can reach you. The other way you're working off your tensions instead of your depth and your creative energy.
What we're here for is to control all of our energies so that we can surrender them and we can really be free of this earth, and this is really what you're doing, and to have to ripen and become sweet like any other fruit so you can surrender. You can only surrender what you have in this life. And if your heart isn't mature, your mind isn't mature, your sexual chakra is immature, all of these things in you have to be mature, they have to be sweet and lucious, and then you give it away.
What can you give God? A green apple? A green pear? A green banana? The sweetest things can be given away and when they're given away you're free, so you give away something wonderful, a full heart, with whipped cream slopping down the side and filled with tuti-fruity and raspberry. And everything that a child would love you give lucious, sweet, beautiful things in yourself, but how can you ever not come back to the earth if your heart is 'closed and tight and everything in you is closed and tight. This is not what qualifies you to go into heaven, it's giving away really like a string of pearls, full lucious quantity, and you don't go like a nun into an order because you can't find the life in life. You have to really say "Fine. I have all of these things I really understand what life is, what creativity is. I have matured and it's fantastic. I have loved it. But I have had enough and I can surrender that to go into something which has more maturity and more reality and more creativity."
And spirituality is not using things which don't function, it's to make things function to have control and maturity and you grow above that. You grow above that. You have control and you have freedom. You become freed from that. You don't do things because of pressure; you don't do things because of tension; but you eat the tension and you eat the pressure and you use that energy, and it's very strong energy to open you. You surrender it inside and you draw the energy out of it and it opens and frees you.
END OF TALK