... you know that is only visible because of the tension. We really have to see a woman and a man come together and its one-drop comes from the man into the woman, which really is the creative seed. And the thing that really makes the life of the child is the inner and the outer condition. The inner condition of course is creativity and the outer is the personality and the tensions and all the past karma comes in. And this is really what builds on the seed, so that the soul becomes locked in the physical and the mental and the emotional system. <\p>
And it's just like a great caterpillar or some other insect weaving and spinning around and around and around. And so there's a process of birth. That nine-month process has to do with a quantity of life which is a life level being superimposed on a spiritual being, and the being is underneath all of it. Now, whatever we in an ordinary life situation have to free ourselves, the only way to free ourselves is not to be under the shell but it's really to draw creative energy from somebody. Because either we're taking the outer substance or the shell of a situation or the potential of the situation or we're getting underneath it, and it's something of mining from everyone and digging into everyone so that we don't allow this surface to become activated, because if you're talking to the tensions of somebody and you feed your energy into them, you stop relating. You're feeding your energy into tension and the tension will grow. But if you can really detach, what you're constantly doing is you're not allowing the personality and the tension and all of these things of life to connect with you. You're denying that connection because you wish for a deeper connection.<\p>
It's the same way -- my mother called today and she wanted instant service for this or that, and it's easy, I mean, I can see where she's wrong and I can see where it's not right to bother people, but it's even more right to identify it because the minute you identify it you're feeding that and become one with the tensions. And if you think, "Fine, this is her tension and I really don't want to deal with that." I don't do something negative in this sense because I can see that she is wrong. She's free. She comes in and she's happy. She hasn't done anything deliberate because it's really the energy working through her, testing me. If you respond to that tension, what happens? You keep somebody locked in and you yourself are also locked in with them. So that we become prisoner with everybody and we in a sense become free with nobody. We only become free with somebody when you get under the tension, when you really will not relate-- maybe they meant this, maybe they meant this, maybe they did this, maybe they did that. Surrender that. Really try to open and find out where the reality is. Try to dig a little deeper and not go into the superficial, superficial tension. You have to feel secure with somebody, you have to love somebody, you have to want to love them, you have to want to grow with them, and so every action that you have should be an action which allows for the future. You really are putting your energy into something, which will go up, and you are not allowing yourself to act like a beast, an animal. And have all these crazy tensions, so you surrender not because you're a nincompoop and you're trying to be a sweet person, but because you can't afford to get caught in the of this tremendous tension. <\p>
This thing is only to do with ignorance because in the tension is an abysmal stupidity, there's an abysmal lack of intelligence, and it's very easy to correct somebody and by correcting them you really press this thing into tension. They didn't mean that. They didn't in any way mean that, but what is happening is God is talking through them in what we think is a negative way, and it's saying, "I've made this mistake can you give me energy, can you love me in spite of making a wrong decision, in spite of not doing the perfect thing.<\p>
" Who's perfect? You can have a perfect action. You can really have a perfect response, which is a much higher level of response than your ordinary self because you've become conscious, you make a move, which has awareness in it, which has love in it, which has understanding, which has surrender and which more than anything else knows that you're a jackass. And you don't have to be right. You can surrender this instinctive thing that expresses tension. And you pull back finally because you know after sixty million times that you can take a breath and separate a little bit. You say, "Look, maybe I don't see it right." And you really detach enough to look objectively And we say, "Fine. Is the action, is the movement, is the quantity coming from me going to come into the person and really make something live for me or will it be a suspicious thing, will it be a mind thing, or an emotional thing. <\p>
And we have finally that choice, and it takes a tremendous letting go, breaking down of these hands that want to move and touch, these emotions that want to move and touch, this mind that wants a handle, all of the energy that comes through us. And every one of our senses that takes this spiritual energy and touches it diminishes it enormously because the symbol of creative energy is really what we understand. The one thing that we really know that makes life is when a couple comes together and the semen goes into a woman without touching the atmosphere at all. It does not in any way expose itself to the atmosphere of life. Because if you tried to see it is there would be no child because the impurity of our atmosphere is such that it does not let life be born once it's taken. At least the soul comes in, the seed comes in, and everything else comes in untainted. So in the same way, when we can surrender, when we really can surrender in ourselves and not let this flow of energy through ourselves be tainted by any one of our senses or our instinct or our psychic capacity, we have a much. much, much better chance. Because we don't know. Either it comes from God or it doesn't come from God and one has to finally make that decision. "I bullshit." What kind of I, what kind of need, what kind of anything? <\p>
Only when you really feel in your heart, some thing breaking, that you're so grateful that you can keep yourself away from this creative quantity, that you can really open and allow it to flow and slowly free you. And the more you handle it, the more you touch it, the more you think about it, the more you anything, the less capability it has to really free you. And all you have to do is try to open and let this force come in purely and just be responsible for bringing it through the chakras and through sex organs and up the spine. <\p>
You don't have to know. You are freed from all of that responsibility, you're freed from all of that bullshit of your knowing and it knowing and this and that. It's only the way of destroying quantity, destroying your creative energy because you're not strong enough to trust, you're not strong enough 'to understand that by leaving it alone and really letting it flow through you consciously because there's enough nourishment in you, there's enough reinforcement, there's enough consciousness in you to leave it alone. And it's the simplest thing in the world; it is really the flowing of life without us, with us in any way, shape or form being involved. <\p>
And the millions and millions of books that explain it and it handles it, too. All of these books still handle it. So that it really has to do with letting the nothingness that is really creativity allow this thing to flow through our system and eventually it will dissolve even that, and will be free. <\p>
And meanwhile, as we go through our life, we really become freer from so many other things because the sheer nutritional value of this force entering us and going through us is so much greater when we leave it alone that we can live and we can do and we can become freer as it is taking place.<\p>
It never happens, there's no such a thing ever in the world where somebody, with a snap of the fingers becomes enlightened and free. It will fall away, these tensions fall away, all of these pressures fall away and you really have a capacity to see yourself less than thus, and you can in a sense be reflected on this energy less and less. And it's a state of being at any time and it wasn't very often, I met a great saint, it was his state of being that he opened his mouth, you'd want to run for the hills or if he saw you do anything, you would have to-close off and not take tension to anything. But taking this state of being from him, taking this energy, which was nourishing. I mean, if you really allow your mind to think and your emotions to feel, and you allow your instincts to go into being, the contradictions are enormous. And that is the true miracle of life, that with all of that contradiction and everything else, this roaring process, this spirituality can take place. So that everything in ourselves, everything that we can come on, is really that which we're limited, but opening yourself is making more room for this system to grow normally. It's an inner spiritual person growing up in you, and this person is light and refined and quiet and grows only when everything else is not functioning. <\p>
All of the logic in the world only tells you why it doesn't happen, and only the opening and the sense of nothing allows for it to happen. And you have to within yourself try to surrender, bring all of your tension in side and drop them inside and let them blow you apart, let them really free you from all of this thing. It's like people who say they can't live in the city and others say they can't live in the country, and they can't do this and they can't do that. It's all the same thing finally. And you have to only understand that it's resistance in the country, it's resistance in the city, it doesn't really matter, because if you have to live and go through all of the reincarnations. There is some that you live in the city and some that you live in the country. <\p>
So always one should do everything. Not this or that, but everything because what you're doing is freeing yourself from the tensions of every thing. Man has lived thousands and thousands and millions of years on the earth and he always acts as if it were a script that has given him two or three or five or ten lives and your mind tries to figure out right from wrong, of course, this will create a tension. And then you say, "now I understand" and you figure out the last ten lives and from that you expect that you will really free yourself. And so then you build a great lead level and you never feel beneath that, you never take energy beneath that and you never will leave this earth because you'll take care of these ten reincarnations that you're conscious of, denying everything else, and when you're born after that, having worked tremendously and taking care of the past ten lives, you will be walking around on the earth for the next million years looking for the links which were destroyed because you either have everything in you that you were, and God help you, if you ever get rid of certain things completely, you really have lost the molecularity of your entire being. <\p>
It's the oneness, it's the completeness of our existence that allows us to be free. And the people who are more than, or the people who are very gifted are above other tensions so they deny that something else exists. We are all everything and we are only by seeing the total surrender of everything within ourselves, can open and really allow this to take place. It's like doors without handles, if you don't have a handle then you may not know it's a door and you may not open it and you'll walk past it endlessly so that life and growing is allowing this force to come in and expose you to everything that you are, and then yon can open these things with your consciousness, or your consciousness will open them, you don't even have to do it. <\p>
But it's a great simplicity and the only thing that fights the simplicity of our spiritual potential is firstly our lack of being open to the simplicity and secondly our tension. And all of the things that talk, all the things that respond, all the things that seem to know are really the limitations because if you surrender them then that energy, the content of all this knowingness goes deeper inside and only opens a deeper part of you. <\p>
We have thousands and thousands of layers within ourselves that have to do with our past lives, and either the energy from the top starts to break up and go into the next layer and that breaks and goes into the next, continually a succession of enlightenment and surrender so that the energy of the enlightenment soaks into the level below and frees you. <\p>
And so it is only by only seeing and not being satisfied that we really have the potential for growth. And it is really the tension builds up only when something in us feels secure, that doesn't want to work again, that we really have inside us this thing which says "Ah, I've done this thing for forty years or thirty years or seventy years" and you really feel sore, you feel tight, you feel tense and what you've succeeded in doing is exhausting a level of energy. But if you really surrender you go into a deeper level of dynamic, vital energy and in every level is the energy to do the work. But when you lay there like a dying culture without water and without anything except broken pieces all over the place some kind of ascetic, archaic spiritual thing, there's nothing there. <\p>
You dig into a deeper level and you find everything exists within. It's fresh and real and really exciting. Is there anyone who has a question about any of what I've said? <\p>
We are working on this new store and of course eventually we'll move and have an Ashram which will be considerably bigger than this, and it's very obvious to me that we really need more facility. We'll have a place which will be much simpler, it won't have all of the sculpture, it will have a few pieces which are there purely because they're decorative not because it's something that's part of our inventory and this is part of the necessity of what this is. And it will have better flow and better vibration. It should have reason. But when we moved here, I had a place on the West Side which was from where I am to where these Buddha's are, and people were sitting in the laps of sculpture and we really were getting so crowded that I spend six years finding a place. And at this point, fortunately before we're crowded out of this, in fact, quite a ways before we're crowded out of this, we'll need some thing which will be prepared in advance and ready for us. <\p>
And it really has to do with this increasing consciousness that happens because when you start to work, you can't see something building in six years maybe building a wall. You're growing here and building a wall there, and finally you come to the wall and you spend five years breaking it down. And the next time you begin to see the wall go up six months before and you might stop half of it from being built and you spend six months breaking it down. And then ten years later the wall is going up and you walk over it before you can get started. And this is what you are working for, to free ourselves, to take in our life energy, to see earlier and earlier on that we don't build more tensions, we don't build more walls, so that we use our growth to really internalize our energy and free ourselves. <\p>
It's a very, very vital and very real difference, that we really can see our mistakes, we really can afford to see mistakes and it's another kind of wealth having spiritual resources, having built up inside this energy and you take a breath and this river starts to flow for you, this river of conscious energy that you really can break down all kinds of tensions. And yesterday, I mean those of you who know Jane Maxwell were really shocked; she called me and because Danny stuck his nose where it shouldn't have been, a dog bit him and the dog had to be put away for ten days. And Jane called me very hysterically and she said, "he's all I have in my life" and she cried as much as somebody's child being taken away and she didn't carry on for very long. I've sat with her in much less meaningful situations for six and eight months and it went on and on and on and on. And she said, "Maybe I'll break it with the doctor and the doctor will let me not have to put the dog away." And about four hours later, in came Jane looking absolutely lovely and open. I thought, "Jesus, she must have really talked the doctor into it". She hadn't. She had really said, "Now, I'll have the dog put away for ten days and I'll go visit my father while the dog is this way." And it can break your heart. It's not somebody being dragged out of the arms of someone who's going to rate them or tear them apart or a death, it was as much as that because this girl had been able to grow over something which would have completely drowned her if this had happened five years ago. And I was very, very grateful that there was to me -- a return, a reward, if such a thing is needed after watching her for years and years and years and years and years. it's just incredible because I sit and work with her and I would talk to her and she would go into a slump and she didn't hear what I said or misunderstood what I said, and I went through years and years and years and years of that. And to see her be able to pull herself away from something which really had her emotionally was the most extraordinary thing. <\p>
These obvious things where somebody does something which is very vital and important, these things eventually take place for most people, but these simple things, these things that are so easy to succumb to, these are the very real differences. And I was very, very, very happy to see them. And you have to realize that this is really what your spiritual work is for, to allow you to change, where you know that you can't stay with anything very long, and just that fact alone allows you in your own depth to tie yourself, like some animal being tied to a wall, that you you'll stay there until you break this capacity of you to not stay in a place for your own good. <\p>
And I've told you this story over and over again, that the first couple of years I was in business, I really sat in the back and beat my fingers and my head with a stick or a hammer or something because I couldn't sit still and I knew that I'd never be worth a damn unless I really broke myself of this terrible need to run like some kind of a strange animal. And I really howled and screamed just like an animal staked out in the backwoods because you won't let it in the house. But you have to do this to yourself because unless you break yourself from the tension that eats into you and destroys your energy, you'll never grow. And it's every way this kind of a thing. And so when I at the age of forty-four don't react because my momma does and my momma does that. It sounds stupid in one way, and yet it's everything in another way. These are the real fights and these are the real victories because the more dramatic things, every jerk, fine, can do that. <\p>
But I had a man when I was on the West Coast-- remember the older man I worked with? He was seventy years olds and this was the first separation he had between himself and his momma in his whole life It was amazing, he cried and he cried and he cried and he cried and I'm sure that it didn't do a permanent thing, it was just one separation. And this things are not permanent. It takes separating and separating and separating thousands and thousands of times, so that when we get caught in these picayune small things, they're not small because they succeed in grabbing us over and over and over again. <\p>
Even the things that we have to pay attention to and understand are really the most destructive things of all, that somebody uses a word towards us or we see somebody who we have a certain kind of entanglement and we get caught again and again and again. This is really what takes our life. And we have to realize that anything that closes us is like this. I mean, you take care of some of the big things and then all of these little things come out and those are the things that hold us to this earth, it is the thing that will finally keep us from being free. And nothing is too small, that you can laugh at and say it doesn't matter. It matters. It really took your life away from you for four hours or a week or a month. And I've watched plenty of people come in who looked like death warmed over and they've just had a fight with momma or papa or something that was stupid. It was something that you could look at and laugh and ignore, but it's nothing to be ignored, it's a person getting a bear-trap closed around their neck; it succeeds in cutting off every bit of life force and it exposes the pours all of your creative energy into the atmosphere. And that's not what it's about. It's to really not be under the tension of these simple things and to not -- them in as simple. That you find that they are simple then be above them don't put your energy below the tension in any situation, just really rise above it and then the energy will come out and feed you and let you grow above it more and more<\p>
QUESTION: (inaudible)<\p>
RUDI: Sure. We'll work on that maybe Monday<\p>
QUESTION: You keep saying that (inaudible) and first you have to work to get above them and then <\p>
RUDI: But to what? <\p>
QUESTION: But to not identify with them at all.<\p>
RUDI: First of all, you can't ignore them as if they don't exist. It's like going and closing yourself off, like you're going home to see your parents and so you wrap this seal around you, "I'm not going to feel anything, I'm not going to hear"-you're deadening yourself. I mean, these things don't react because you can't afford them to react. It's a thing to really keep inside and take your breath, pull back and get above it and say, "I won't put energy in that". What you're doing is, you're starving-- this person who does that is not saying it because they want to kill you or they're not trying to take your energy away, they're starving and they're expressing their tensions. They're saying, "Look, can you free me?" And you can't free them, and so then we ask for that tension and we get mad and then we say, "They're hopeless" and so we leave and we go away. And then you come back again and you try not to express your real feelings, you try not to be critical and you try not to anything else, and meanwhile they're starving to death because you have denied this psychic connection between you and your parent: But if you really don't react, if you can consciously stay above it and you really send out a streamer from in you underneath and you look at your mother and you see that she really is tired and you say, "Look, mom, I can see you really work very hard and you made such a fabulous meal last night, we'll take you out tonight and where would you like to go?" Maybe in her whole life nobody ever asked her, maybe your father's a big mouth and he always makes these decisions on where we're going to eat. Nobody ever asked this woman where she would like to go. Understand? And it's these simple things that kill people, actually destroy them you have to find what's wanted, and it's always to ask, not to tell, but to ask, to really honor somebody by asking them say, "Look, is this okay? Can we do this?" And you really find out that there are things that you never thought of with that person. But it really is an asking on their part unconsciously because they are shy and they don't really value themselves and can't express a wish. And maybe you've been wanting to go on a picnic for ten years and maybe she's been going on a picnic for twenty years and can't stand it and would like to go to a nice restaurant. But you'll never know those things unless we really feel a person and ask them and see and give them the right to express themselves. <\p>
I mean I've known marriages where they always had red wine with the meat and white wine with the fish and it turned out that the woman hated red wine and the man hated white wine, but they were afraid they'd look like a slob to the other person. This wasn't what the book said and they find themselves both miserable. And there was a great skit in "New Faces of 1967 of New York" with Hermina Gringold where she came down and they were having their silver anniversary and their golden anniversary, and she's making breakfast Lord Pushbottom, and he comes down and says "Oh, and blah, blah. blah" and here was the breakfast that he'd had every day for fifty years. He said, "Now, I have to tell you. I hate cereal. I hate that, I hate that And really everyone laughed and said it was very, very funny. They could relate in their own lives to something which has been laid on them forever. And we do this to everyone. We really project what we think is good for somebody and my mother's filled with that not what I want or what I don't want-- "Oh have another piece of this noodle pudding" and she thinks it's cute, or "have another piece" and the next day she's calling me a slob for being fat. And it goes on and on and on and on and on and you really-- it's a very difficult kind of a thing, if you want it to be difficult. But you want to look at it, there's always an easy way out, we don't take the easy way out, we take the path of tensions. We really live a path of tensions. We always come against this thing that somebody's expressing because we're not strong enough to transcend it or get underneath it. Either you're above it, drawing it up as energy, or you enter it beneath the level that the person is expressing and you really love them for it. You love them until they open<\p>
END OF TALK<\p>