RUDI RAW

Transcript 1

 You should come trying to present me with a condition in which I can open because of a flow of energy that you are bringing to me. I will try but there is a limitation at times. At times I am very tired doing my own work. And a lot of you come and just like a clam you pushed this closed thing in front of me and say, "I dare you to open it." How can I do this over and over and over again? It is not fair. It really isn't fair. It is for you to come open, ready to take my energy, ready to connect with me for only one reason and that is to draw from me and go up with it. And this is exactly what every human being should be too. You are connecting with them to rise and to transcend yourself and transcend the situation. But this defensiveness of make me laugh, convince me. How many times do you think I want to convince any one of you, before you finally say it is enough. I don't want that any more. I let a lot of people go when Swami Muktananda came. I let a lot of people go again a few weeks ago. I don't intend to grow to this dimension that I am trying to reach and I can't reach it with a weight on me of people who don't understand how to take energy, how to open. I don't have to defend myself. I don't have to fight with any of you. I won my fight. The very fact that I am sitting here and you are sitting there should represent that to you. To have to sell you and fight with you and go through this whole routine over and over again to get you to open your mouth, to take a bite out of me, to swallow it, digest and go. What kind of stupidity is it? Everyone I've ever seen who has taught, says exactly the opposite. They make the obstacle for you. They present an obstacle, they make it impossible for you to reach them by giving you a downer. They give you a situation, which is going to carry you down about 5000 feet and two lifetimes. I have never done that. Why can't you at least meet me where you want to take something and move up. If you don't want to move up, don't come to a class. Don't talk to me. Don't come in the store. Don't come near me. That is not what my life is about. It is not what I am killing myself for. And this is the same attitude you should have with other people. They are not the enemy. That out there is not the enemy. It is the test for you to open and feel a connection with. And if the connection does not come out as a little blue light or a little red light you try to find the thing in you that can open in somebody and find something wonderful. That they are coming in on the right and they want to jump on you, then you move to the left. Because we either serve each other which means we are serving God and serving energy. We are connecting with energy and evolving with energy. But treating everyone as if they are antagonistic and hateful and trying to get you is an expression of an insane human being. This thing in you that has to fight and fight and fight and fight for hours and days because you don't want to open and go up. And there is nobody who doesn't give you regardless of their condition during the course of a conversation, 100 ways of taking and moving up with energy.

 Question: I don't understand how energy moves between two people. Like when you are sitting with someone and you open your heart and energy is going out of your heart and into them or is it coming back to you? Where is it going?

 Rudi: The energy never left your heart. You look at somebody and you love them, you open and you are feeling your energy. The only time energy leaves somebody else and comes into you is if you are in a very, very depleted condition. Then you are drawing in their energy. But that happens only on very special occasions.

 Question: Are you putting your energy out?

 Rudi: Yes but you have to understand the difference between. If somebody came and put their teeth in your throat as a vampire and drew out energy, it would feel warm and sweet. But if they look a certain way, then you would identify with it and be frightened. But a lot of people have done it to you and you didn't even know it because they were built a certain way and they looked sexy in your eyes. But you have to begin to understand what is taking energy and what is giving energy and what is opening you to a flow within yourself. These are very distinct differences.

There is nothing mysterious about energy. It is not abstract. It is abstract because you can't make money at it and it doesn't serve a purpose. You begin to look at it as if it serves a purpose and you find the answers. In about six months the United States government is probably going to put a meter on everybody and you have to pay for energy. Then finally everyone will start being intelligent about it . They will not waste energy. This is the thing that we have. It is our life force. This is what it is all about. This is the most that anyone can have. You are filled with a life force. You are either consciously using it or, talk about casting pearls before swine, there is no comparison, you are wasting this thing that is vital to your growth, it's vital to your happiness, it is vital to everything. You attract from that. You live from that. It is the expression of your soul. And that is why you have to refine it. Anyone who has been screwing around and doing things with themselves, their life is the way it is because they have been peed into and shit into so much and this energy has to be refined. So you are not attracting what you want. You don't attract the situations on any level that you want, then you work harder and refine your life flow and you will begin to attract them.

 Question: How do I keep from getting comfortable in my spiritual work?

 Rudi: The only reason to gather in apples and wheat in the fall is to know that you have a winter. And if you are too stupid to remember that last winter was light then you will starve in a couple of weeks. You will go back into the old cycle of being absolutely miserable. And then you will get comfortable again and you will forget to work deeper and then you will find that someone has dropped you out of the 10th story onto your head and you will suffer for 6 months, then you will work yourself out of that and you will forget about it for 6 months later. And next time they will drop you out of a 20 story window. It will take you 3 years to get back and maybe you will and maybe not. But if you are not a fool then you will gather in more than you need. If you want to suffer you keep working yourself out of a situation and then allowing your energy to fall down and attract exactly the same situation again.

I had somebody in the store today tell me that a friend of theirs was very miserable and I said that is very unfortunate. I am not responsible. Because it is somebody who I work with and who doesn't really come to class. And after a certain amount of time it is like a seat in a theater, you pay per year. And you stay there. And then I disconnect. I will not keep my connection with any one of you for an extraordinary length of time afterward. And then you really have to be responsible for that. And don't make a mistake in that. If you are here for more than a week or two or three then you get an umbilical cord that is energy. It is my energy that you are working on besides your energy besides what you can get from God. And if you every want to leave you be sure that you build up a great deal before you go so that you can bridge the change. Any time you change any kind of study you are responsible for that. You connect into something else and be sure you are drawing it up before you let go of this. I, in no way, try and detach from anybody to hurt them. But you certainly have to realize, you put in so much, you'll get so much. But you can't expect to draw from it indefinitely. I don't intend to support anything that isn't growing or that isn't using my energy correctly. Because it isn't just my energy, it is God's energy and you are responsible for doing and the thing that I will not tolerate is somebody using it badly. Because it is not just mine. It comes from many people who are not around visibly or physically. But they should not be used in a less than perfect way. You have to use it with respect and consciousness.

It is your demand for what you want and the depth you want which has within it the capacity to have me teach. If you don't show within yourselves as a group of people, enough people who want, then I think I'll just go to Europe and teach there. Because I find there is a stronger tendency there for people to do more advanced work. So within yourself you have to sit down and make a commitment and decide really what you want and how far you really want to go. A spiritual life is a spiritual life. It is not something that you take out on the weekend or the holidays. You either have an energy that is expanding and growing and bringing very real and complete results in your life or you don't have the beginning of an idea of what it should be. And I really expect to see much deeper work in every one of you because the level will change and it will certainly attract people with more depth who want more. And we have had one successful thing about our ashram. We had a good healthy turnover over the years. And we have benefited by the change all the time. It is not personal, it is individual and you have to find inside yourself whether you really want or whether you really don't want. I am not interested in a superficial commitment. I am not trying to develop inside myself something that is superficial. I pay for it and I expect you to pay for it and pay plenty but I expect you also to get enormously. You have to within yourself, want tremendously, tremendously to grow and you have to raise your commitment inside yourself, to go deeply inside yourself and speak to you until you get this board of directors inside you to unanimously want this thing. And those things in you that say they don't want, you take them into the board and you stick a knife in them, you club them. And I am not kidding you about that. I have had it more than once, when I have heard something say, "bu, bu, bu, bu, but...." and I let one part of me just take the knife and cut the cord. It doesn't "bu, bu, bu, bu, but...." for very long. All of these things exist within you as resentment, as tensions, as resistance, because you don't have within you that one strong thing that can stick a knife in something else. I will not live with that in myself. I make decisions every day, I make decisions all week. Last week in particular hasn't been too much to my benefit on many levels, except on the spiritual level. I am willing to sacrifice everything in my life without a question and I have no complaint about it. Because if you really grow, what you gave up last month is something that would stink in your nose if it presented itself to you today. That is the only quality that should exist for spiritual work. That you could not face this dead thing in you six months after you have surrendered and made what you considered a sacrifice. It doesn't become anything more than something that gets flushed away in the toilet.

So please try to go home tonight and really ask very deeply inside yourself and try to raise tremendously the level of what you want.

 That people work on what they consider their spiritual life and they consider where they are and where it is and this goes on and on and on, but there is one thing that you have to understand, that all of it is meaningless in itself because it is really a question of where this thing can connect for you as a spiritual exercise. And it isn't until you really allow the force to work you, not you working the force because this energy by its very nature has to be and expression of God's will. And it has nothing to do with your will and it certainly has nothing to do with my will. And we continually move around within ourselves trying to put ourselves in a better position and it is like cutting this thing down every day by 50%. If you are 1000 miles away and tomorrow you are 500 miles away and on and on and on, you will never get there because this point never will meet. If you cut it in half and half and half you really will be cutting infinitesimally smaller and smaller things but it never will happen. It will become a membrane that separates you from this spiritual force because you will have this membrane of your self, your will and your personality instead of it working you from its own will. And it is a very very, very, essential difference. It is the difference of being married to somebody where you are doing what you think the marriage demands and you are doing your part or your half or your third or your 80%. And it hasn't to do with that because a marriage is really serving somebody else as they need to be served. And it is exactly the same thing in a spiritual life. You don't appease this thing with a spiritual force or God. You don't really change a little bit or a lot. You change as it is wanted. And the only way to find out how it is wanted is to really completely surrender from within yourself everything that you feel or think, good or bad or anything else. Because it has to do with this higher will working in you. And when you finally come to that point then it will change things within you. It will change the chemistry. It will change all of these physical manifestations. And you will understand by the difference that takes place within your life. Instead of working spiritually, you will be spiritually worked. And this is a thing that basically our work is about. That you allow this energy to enter you and you will wake up and feel things working on you in your sleep. Not anything you might wish or anything you might welcome but only things that you have to surrender to. And the test of all spirituality is the ability to walk through the valley of death and fear no evil. Because it is only imagination, all of these things that we are surrendering and allowing to work in us are just trying to take away the thickness, the callousness, these different levels that we have accumulated over the endless time that we have spent upon this world and in this atmosphere. And spiritual work has to do with spirit and energy and as you free yourself and the energy comes out of you it rises and rises and rises. And every time it rises further, it will connect with another level of energy. And that is how the whole psychodrama of your freedom takes place. You attract from your being as you rise to another dimension, and the content of that pours into you. And this is only possible by working, and working tremendously hard. Because when you take in new energy you have to make muscles that can hold that energy. And so the whole drama of our life as we grow in a very real and a very deep way, is to support with muscle which has to do with work the energy that increasingly comes within us. And nobody maintains anything, whether it is a body form on a physical level or this kind of muscle in a spiritual way. Because if you don't use muscle whether it is physical or spiritual, that muscle gets flabby and you lose absolutely the quantity that you have gained. It isn't something which is once maintained. It is something which is once it is maintained one must always be responsible for. And so the simplicity of living and working every day you raise inside yourself the capacity to stretch your physical muscles so that more energy can be liberated. That you can bring through the chakras, through your sex organs and up your spinal column. That you are getting fuel which can free you. And the freeing of you has only to do with the fact that when you surrender you open and this vastness that can be inside you opens.

 And there is no resistance because everything in you is there for one reason. All of these muscles are there so that they can open and open and open and open and become nothing more than some great pipe, some great opening through which this force works. But as it works through you, and certainly it's the only way you can be rational when you begin to understand what the flow of energy has to do with creation. It is creation and when you begin to touch creation and see life come through you and bring life to other people you understand that you in no way have any right to think of it as yourself. No more than any parent has the right to feel that a child is theirs. It is their responsibility. It is not their creation. That you are again as you see a woman pregnant, you are a vehicle in which something can grow and which something can flow through. And the whole expression on the physical level is our capacity to want to posses, to want to control. And it's an instinct. It is a very simple instinct. And the ability to really love is to free everything that you touch, not to limit it, not to in any way make it less. And so you in your work every day have one thing to do and that is to really open and grow, and grow and grow and expand more. And feel, actually, I am not talking symbolically, stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching and increase the volume of energy that comes through you. Because if you don't grow every day, then you begin to have illusions of what you think you are doing. And growth has to do with breaking down resistance because every time you attain something and you have this capacity to want to think of it as yours, the only way that this can take place is when the stretching becomes less. That you are not working, that you are not encompassing the energy that is there and the energy that was there. You are sitting back and taking credit for what happened yesterday. And this is true on every physical level as well as every spiritual level. You have to be highly conscious and you have to work tremendously deep to be able to transcend what was. And when you transcend a situation you in no way have to justify what the situation was yesterday. You have bettered the situation. So instead of carrying around inside you this enormous bookkeeping of trying to figure out how much somebody owes you and how much you did for someone else, you absolutely have no need for any of this because you are continually on a higher level. You have worked above yourself and the energy is more so it is completely capable of taking care of everything. IT takes care of it. You have no need to take care of anything.

I'll explain a very simple thing that happened the other night. It was wonderful and its the thing that makes me personally very, very, very grateful for being able to work and it takes years and years and years for these things to come about. But finally when they do, they save you a week of agony or a month of humiliation. I have a tenant around the corner who is a very enormous ego man, he's a very strong person. What his reasons for being or what he is like in town is none of my business because you cant go around in the world trying to collect information about somebody being this or somebody being that. Because there is justification for everything. And the best justification is standing out of somebody's way and letting them live. Then you don't have to justify anything. Anyway, I've had a couple of difficult things with him at the beginning when he moved in and since then he's been pretty fair as everyone else has been. But Saturday, just by accident, the neighbor, a guy in the building, invited me up and I went up there for some coffee and we left and went off until evening. And we came back Saturday night and the same person called and said this man had left and it's become a discotheque and there are about 50 or 60 wild men running around through the building. And he said its really a disaster kind of a thing and buh, buh, buh, buh and he went on and on. And I said well, there are only 2 things to do, you either call the police or whatever you feel you have to do, you are living there. I can't do anything. I'm going to sleep. And I went to sleep. And he said maybe he wouldn't call the police. He would see what happens. I woke up and I had a very, very big day in the store Saturday. And I woke up about 2:00 in the morning and I was fighting with this man. And this was really my unconscious working. And I said stupid, I don't know too much about it and I went back to sleep almost immediately. And I woke up another hour and a half later and this time I was really enmeshed in it. And I sat up and I really surrendered very deeply in myself and I understood something not from me but from this flow of energy. And this thing said, "It is not him. This is just a manifestation of your tension. And it needs somebody or something to jump on so it was jumping on this." And I really worked for a few minutes and went back to sleep very grateful to realize this was just a thing of cause and effect on one level and if I really work from a higher place, I can surrender it. I woke up in the morning feeling wonderful. I didn't have to run around the corner and see what they had done or hadn't done. I came back Sunday, I went to sleep. Monday I sent somebody up to speak to him. He called me and was absolutely charming. It was an accident. Somebody took his place for the weekend and it disappeared. There was no situation. Just like a bubble. That was the end of it. And this basically is how we have to use our work consciously. Because if I had grown into it and worked my way into the situation, the hostility in me and the negativity in me, would have kept this man from doing what he did which was really beautiful on his part. He assumed the responsibility of the situation and really tried to remedy it. And this is what we do most of the time. We really, instead of trying to allow or give energy to something to change, we condemn, we jump on, we in every way abuse a situation much like someone......