RUDI RAW

Transcript 2

I would rather really break down my chemistry and something there gets freed much deeper inside. And it has to do with this capacity of surrendering deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and then by the nourishment that you take you attract something creative, something from God that gives you the capacity to say, "I can now do this." I never would have dared work with somebody who was physically in this position without poisoning myself. So it is always taking and internalizing and expanding the amount you can internalize by drawing energy from every situation. And then you see a situation. Something comes into your life and you look at it and you say, "My God, how can it be that way?" And you really understand that it is your will that has to be broken because you wanted it to be this way. It should come in a white package with a blue ribbon. And what you see is that somebody drops a rock on your head. So you say well, that is the package. It is not the way you thought. It isn't the way you would like to receive it. But it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with creatively accepting the change of energy, the change of pattern, the change of everything. And that has to do with having guts, having real courage to accept the way it is, not the way you want it. I was looking for a big energy situation. I would have loved for somebody to come up in a limousine 2 blocks long and sweep me away to some great mansion on 75th street. Instead a frail woman came in with cancer. And cancer was the whole thing of a depth of energy. So the symbolism, the capacity to understand is never the obvious of what we would like to think we want, what we would like to think can be. It is what is. You have to learn to accept what is in your life and extract from that the energy so that you can grow and free yourself. And we always have this kind of humor(?) , who it should look like and what it should be and what it should talk like and what it should say and this is ridiculous. It is really being realistic, taking the quantity that is available, eating it, digesting it, extracting from it and growing from it and then this quantity will change because you are no longer on the same level. And it is having a very real existence because you are not living a fantasy, you are not living a dream, you really are taking from what life is offering you. And life is the teacher, life is God. It is creative energy, it is all around you. Every human being, every bit of weather, every situation that comes is within itself the content and the reflection of where you are. We all react differently. We all are different with every situation that takes place. It is really your barometer. It is trying to show you that you don't react right, that you don't feel this and you don't feel that and we all take it as an enemy. And it is not an enemy. It is a mirror being held up to show you where you are, how you are, what you feel, what you don't feel. And you find yourself becoming detached and then you want to feel hot flashes. It is incongruous. You have to really go along and grow as a situation opens and shows itself. And it is to do it with the greatest depth. ( tape goes dead here)

.....things working in me and not working in me and I am responsible for having a life flow. And it isn't really the same life flow that I knew a week ago. But this is for me to assimilate and grow with and to make strong the same as the other was. It is the same thing for you. You have a shock, you have any kind of a change atmospherically, or physically or emotionally. Of course you will feel differently. But that is secondary to the fact whether you are working extraordinarily well or not. You are working extraordinarily well so you have a different frequency but this life flow is taking place and you are fulfilling yourself inside by nourishing yourself with another kind of food. And it is depth and consciousness. And you either work deeper every day and in every situation or you will find you will not grow. You will just get to a certain point and go off. And I had a girl that came yesterday and she's been with us for 2 weeks and she went off to the Gurdjieff place. Some lady told her the whole thing. And I said, "Well, why did you go there?" She said, "Oh, I was feeling so open and I was growing. And it was so interesting." I said, "What did you feel?" And she said, "I felt this opening..." And I said, "Well this is your mind. You want to satisfy your mind you go there. You want to take care of something inside, you stay here." And she would like to talk and talk and talk. There is no question about it that she will go there because she is interested in her mind being occupied. But this is not what our work is about. Our work is to internalize, to draw in from everything and bring the energy down and bring it up. But if you want to play games, you want to have tension, you will attract a situation that has to do with playing games and keeping your mind occupied. But to go 1000 times a day and take a breath and feel inside that you are closed and if you are closed you certainly can't be drawing through all your chakras this life energy which you need to grow and transcend yourself.

And another person came by and said, "I'm going to finish up." And this guy looked like he was three quarters dead with tension and he's finishing up a job and he is going off to Oregon or Washington state to sit on a mountain for 6 months and sit down and look at everything he is and take account of it. It is absolutely so stupid. Because what he is, is what brought him to the situation. It doesn't make any sense. As you grow, what you are at the moment will not even exist in a few months. Why analyze? Why try to understand something which will be dead and in no existence in 3 months or 6 months from now? And this self-analysis is absolutely crap. Because it has no meaning. If you nourish something, it will not be that same something. If it was, it will not be that same something. If you surrender it ,it will not be that same something. So why spend the time being involved in one level of tension when you can grow and transcend it and it will fall away from you like a dead skin in a very short period of time. There is no reason for all of this external expression of energy and sitting and trying to be intellectual. But you really do what every lazy and stupid person doesn't want to do which is take a breath and open and allow this flow in you to take place. You break down the resistance that wants to stay on that level, that is trying to justify staying on this level and this flow within you will nourish you and give you the energy to step out of the mess of shit that you are sitting in. And you step from the stage down there and from down there to the stage. It is one level and you are away from all that. But talking and fighting and everything else does not do anything but keep you there. Doing, opening, changing an attitude toward somebody, drawing more energy, being more open and more compassionate, this changes. It opens you. You can feel inside you the flow of your life force. It means that you are functioning as a higher human being. Your energy is not outside justifying why you are there. It is inside getting away from it. And these are the only two alternatives open to a human being. You have to really take every situation and draw the energy out of it, internalize it and feel it flowing in you. It is easy to sit and worry and bite your nails and hit your head on the floor and scream and carry on. But to sit down and do a proper job and do an excellent job is a thing that allows you to grow and become secure to open deeper and then again you become more secure and you can open deeper. But staying even in a secure situation is again only a limitation. It is to grow and to change that really reflects spiritual energy and it expresses creation and really means that you will grow. And you have to be free enough to want that. And you have to try around you, with the people you are responsible for and from to nourish them so that they too are free to change and grow.

Those of you who are helping please see......(?)

If you can't see me, I can't see you. You are losing two thirds of the class....try to have a little intelligence and arrange your seating.

Very often people ask, what is that guy, they .(?)..really can't tell whether they are working creatively and spiritually and so many reasons are given. But the thing you have to be aware of when you are working is that you really feel the depth come in and the energy release and flow so that you are consciously aware that you are having a creative experience all the time, not just sitting in meditation, but that when you talk with someone, you have any kind of discussion or involvement, that you can feel in yourself whether the force is flowing in you. That you really are not crystallizing and projecting what you think should be or what you want or what you think is, because that hasn't to do at all with spirituality. It has to do with ego, it has to do with making a situation a solid because this is what you want. It is expressing your will. But if you really have this flow of energy coming through you and you are consciously working, you have to be transcending slowly whatever the situation is because the energy is flowing in you. Consciously you are raising it. So when you are in a situation you may start out at a one inch level but if you keep working, you come out of the situation on a 50 foot level. You have to continually raise your level all the time that you are talking to anybody. And you really get high with it. High as far as a level and high on the energy. That you can continually feel this thing raising itself, raising itself, raising itself, raising itself. That you either are transcending continually, not just once when you move from 2 inches to 3 inches and say, "Well here I am." Its good enough for you. Well this is all the situation is worth. You either continually feel that which blocks you or you have no sense of consciousness and you can't take inside yourself any situation where you are in a superior position to anyone else. Cause you are either working above, working above, working above, working above, until you ARE above it. And you, just an increasing of your energy. You are freeing yourself from the situation. The situation starts to dissolve because as creative energy rises it draws from itself, into itself as an eating thing. It just eats through level on level of tension, level on level of pattern, level on level of intelligence. And you really break down matter, you break down structure. And so this continual thing will go, you will understand and then you will understand on a higher level, and a still higher level and a still higher level. But you will be successfully bringing in energy and increasing the flow in yourself. You will also be growing. Not growing into a situation but growing using the energy of the situation. Because the situation is only an expression of your mind, a manifestation of your mind. Now to grow spiritually you are either breaking down the mind and taking it in as matter which will make you grow or you will find that you will stop and there you are with a situation in your mind. It doesn't matter at the end of an hour whether the other person is right and you are wrong or they're wrong and you're right. That is secondary to the fact that you are working to grow as a human being spiritually. And it means you have eaten correctly, you have taken in energy and you have grown. You may find at one time where you left and you were right and a year later you work and you work and you knew that you were wrong then. But it is better to not be concerned about right or wrong. Right or wrong in every case is a limitation of a particular time and point. And to really live with the need to be right, to live with the need to think you understand is the greatest of all stupidities because it has to do with building a level and reinforcing that level and your energy is building this horizontal thing where you keep adding and adding more and more matter. It is like building some kind of a fortification. You are protecting and bringing everything to this level again of protecting your image, protecting where you think you are and where you think you should be. Spirituality is not being where you think you should be. It is not being where you want to be. It is being on the highest point of an ascending energy which keeps growing and growing. And as this energy grows, it completely destroys every level of truth as you knew it. It doesn't mean the truth was not real. It was real on the level that you were before. And this thing that exists for me with all of you and some of you were with me a longer time than others, I'm not interested in how long you are there. I'm just interested in one thing, whether you are strong enough to break up this horizontal level and continue growing. I don't want to limit myself by what I am or what I was or I worked all this to get to this.That's all baloney. It is really making a drama of your life. It's really trying to bring an image to yourself. It's to keep growing and to have the courage to keep growing and if it pulls apart the structure of your life, then it is freeing you. And there is nothing so wrong in pulling apart a structure. It's wrong to build yourself into a coffin and then have to stay there and justify it. Because either you are working to live on a higher level all the time and to have a rebirth all the time or you are trying to find justification for staying the way you are. And the resistance to growing in people is total particularly if you haven't been growing on a regular basis. And our exercise is for that, is to take in external energy, internalize it, bring it through all the chakras and bring the energy to the top of the head. That you are really refining your energy and then allowing that refined energy to then re-refine itself. And it becomes not matter anymore but an oozing of an energy that enters the brain. And it continually makes you change. You are refining, and refining and refining. Not to retire on a level because you did a good piece of work. The whole structure of what we do, is destroying matter, which is this horizontal thing that we sit on, the earth, this physical and material matter, to spiritual force. And this is really what our work has been. I want to start this summer, on the next dimension, which is the next horizontal. There is a horizontal, a vertical and another horizontal. And I am really very anxious. I've been working for months and months and months now, trying to get that into a way that is teachable and it is simple. It is not going to be simple for people who haven't been here, but it should be simple for us. Because what we see in our spirituality, those of you who have some slight capacity to see or feel or understand, is breaking down matter to flow, and when matter flows, it manifests. That's just really a way of saying, you can see the outside of creative energy. And you keep taking in this energy from the matter, you surrender matter so it gives you a chance of transcending matter. And then you work and the energy keeps going up and it comes to this new horizontal which is everything that exists in space and time. And to free yourself you have to really take in the content of what was to really bring yourself to the moment of being where you can feel the relationship between yourself and God. Because until you have digested everything that was and taken the content, the creative energy out of that, you are not free of your past karma, you are limited by your past karma, living on one level and protecting yourself and protecting your image. You have to take in all past energy and completely have it eat through your system and then you have some idea of who you were and then you know who you are and then you can surrender that. But you can't surrender yourself until you have in yourself everything of your past. Otherwise you are surrendering the person who you know which is one aspect. You may have been born 500 times and you are busy surrendering the person who you are which is really the connection to all of these past karmas. What you have to do is use that like a worm, to catch a bigger fish. And you are just the bait in a sense for catching all of your past lives. And all of the fragments that you live in this existence are reflections of something very much in the past and in some cases, 20, 30, 50 thousand years and some of you even much more than that. And the reason you can't find satisfaction in your life is that you can't find in this existence, the content that came through you. So whatever success you have will only be on this horizontal level, this material and physical level. And it isn't enough because it doesn't open you to your past and to all past energies. And I certainly will not accept with any of you the limitation that you are willing to live with. And I'm not trying to build you into a world at this time. I'm trying to free you as I'm trying to free myself. And you must understand that. But some of you haven't developed on a physical level to a point where you can begin to have real spiritual experiences and there is no problem in it because if you work 10 years and your physical capacity develops in 10 years, all of the 10 years are creditable. There is nothing lost that way because you are simultaneously building in the second dimension of spirituality. And when that ripens it connects and you really have the third and then you get out of that. You're not working in a sense to justify time, you're working to fulfill the functioning and the instruments that can work within ourselves to contain these different energies. And thinking about them and feeling less than somebody else because they may be taking a more advanced course than you is exactly the reason that you are not in the advanced course. Because you don't have in yourself the simplicity to keep your mind quiet. And if you can't keep your mind quiet, you certainly can't digest energy on a spiritual level much less be prepared for something that goes further. You have to understand that it is your capacity to keep quiet inside, to take in energy, not to have it run through your brain and endlessly give you pictures that accept and reject and this is right and that's wrong. It's all the same garbage. You either surrender and let it flow through you and you keep raising the level of force so that it goes to the top of your head and you will get as far as you can and go where everyone can go in one lifetime. There is no race. There is just a great simplicity and understanding of what you have to do. And those of you who don't understand it, who really don't know how to do the first exercise which we've given which is the basic exercise for you whether you are working on this life and you are buried underground or you are working on a spiritual level or you are working on the next level. This basic exercise continually goes on of taking in matter and breaking it down to a flow of energy which you absorb in your system. That never changes. You can add to it. You can add parts to it like an automobile where you can put in fancy chrome or a stereo or whatever you want but you better have a motor and 4 wheels and a chassis that can move. And our basic exercise is exactly that. And some of you forget about that. You don't feel, you don't open. You don't feel the breath turning into energy and flowing through you. And this is essential as it is necessary when you really take higher mathematics, to know your basic math. You use that as your foundation. And you have to have it on any building. The foundation can't be rotting out as you are trying to build all kinds of fancy little things on the terraces and on the roofs. And you must keep within yourself a consciousness of your breathing in and feeling the expansion and the energy coming down and coming up the spinal column. Because if you are working in the magnificence that goes to another dimension and your spinal column is getting paralyzed you haven't succeeded in anything except destroying your mechanism. You have to feel in your spine, across your back, the top of your head, that the energy is rising to the very topmost of your head and accumulating there. And whatever you do in your life, I absolutely couldn't care less, except that you shouldn't take dope. All of your fighting, all of your tensions are your expression of not wanting to take in energy and grow. Period. There is no reason, I couldn't care to hear any reason. There is absolutely no reason. That is what God has given you as an outer manifestation. You want to play with it, you want to paint it, you want to embroider it. You want to do whatever you want, that is your personal problem. It is not mine. You have attracted that from your being. Every one of you. This is what you attract from your being. It is your test. It will not change until you grow above it. And some of you have a little harder thing to do, there is no question about it. I have all day long between people being in the store, and the telephone ringing and people calling me from Texas and Indiana and here and there and all over the place, on different levels and in different ways expressing the resistance to moving. And it is always the thing of, I'd rather do that or that or that but I don't want to do this and you have to do all of the "thises", the things that are close to you and that are simple. Doing complicated things, in no way absolves you of washing the dishes and making your bed, brushing your teeth and taking a shower, and going to the toilet. And these are the things that trip up everybody because they will not do the simple things which are essential. And that is keeping quiet and not making tensions and loving the atmosphere that you are in. You either love it or you kill it. It is your choice. If you kill it, you never have it again. And you have to understand that. It is your simple consciousness every day that finally allows for you to do this and that and everything else. And the structure of energy changes completely as you go from a horizontal to a vertical and it changes tremendously again when you go to the next horizontal. And I really want very much to be able to teach this at the beginning of the summer. But unless you do your own work. Unless you work very hard and are very responsible in your ordinary day there is nothing in your system that will be able to support it. And I don't want to be talking to a lot of people and not have them understand me. It really isn't anything that I have dignity in feeling or a need in doing. It means that I'll just work again and go completely away and unfortunately what happens if anyone moves from one level to another, its fine, there's a connection. They move to a third level, there's no longer a connection. And for some of you, if I keep moving and you don't move along with me, there will be no connection at all and that bridge will destroy itself and that takes care of it. And it isn't what I want. It's an expression of your not fighting deep enough inside to make the connection for your own growth. And it's very very difficult because I need a certain amount of people to do the work and you never know who is going to do it finally. There's no question. It's always been amazing. You work and you work and you look and you see a few people work tremendously hard and really deep chasms and other people who are 2 inches away haven't moved more than one inch. You have to do what is wanted, not what you want or what you think is needed. And what is wanted in this case is that you open and feel this flow of energy all the time that you are sitting here and you work at home and feel it inside yourself again and you gather that energy because it is also the energy coming into the atmosphere. It's energy coming into me that's coming in from the atmosphere and if you take it in, you have your connection, if you don't, you don't have the connection. And I really know some of you too long and too well to not want to see you move ahead. But it is not my will. It's an expression of your capacity to work and open and surrender.

Does anyone have a question?

I feel my energy go into my heart but I cant feel it past there sometimes. Is that OK?

Yes, sometimes a river goes underground. Sure, its OK as long as it ends up on top of your head.

Question: When you spoke about transcending matter....can they still feed you and you feed them... (?)

Rudi: Of course. Because if you're here and you go here and you stay here, you still have to draw this up to support it. When a flower grows from a seed to a 5 foot plant, ever time its growing up it draws more from it's system, right? When it gets up here it doesn't stop drawing, does it? You always have to keep the attachment for the flow of energy to come up to support what is. What is comes from what was.

Question: (?)

Rudi: By staying open. By staying open and seeing what is feeding or what can feed you, what can give you energy, what can you use. I'll give you an example. I had a very, very rough time today. And right before I closed, a woman came in and she was wearing a coat with a piece of fur here and it was cracked there and her roots were six inches long and she came in with a guy who looked like a pleasant human being and she priced a piece and the piece was very expensive. And she started telling me she was somewhere else and things were much cheaper. Well she happened to pick one of the most expensive pieces in the store. I had had a day that wasn't very easy and I looked at her and I started thinking, Oh, God, in my head. I looked at the coat, I looked at the roots, I looked at the little squeezed face, I looked at this, I looked at that. And because of where my day was, I was taking my identification to that level and I was really putting a block between me and her, not just because of the piece and her attitude, but because of a need in me. And I could feel myself not only judging her but inside myself oppressing her. And I really took a deep breath and I really turned around. Because it wasn't fair. There was no reason. That woman had on her face a great deal that she had gone through that wasn't very happy and I was using (?) who was jumping on me, it was easy enough to jump on her. And without even saying a word I really turned it around inside and I opened and I sold her something else which was $450.00 and we talked a little bit. And she said she really wasn't (?). She was graciously and unconsciously, possibly rising a little bit to tell me the possibility that she may be coming back. It didn't matter to me whether she came back or not. It just wasn't for me to have those bad manners with her. And finally we talked a little more and she priced two or three things and she said, "How much is that?" 'And I said, "Well that is $1000.00" And she was kind of easing up. And I was easing up in myself. As I was opening to her, I was watching her rise up in herself. And she said, "Well, I'll take it for $500.00." And I thought, "Well, I had injured you in myself." I injured her 50% of the situation. I said, "I'll give it to you but for very strange reasons because I felt I owe you an apology." And I was grateful in myself to be able to open and realize I was wrong and to have given to her and to have given to the situation because she in no way deserved the way I was psychologically and energy-wise treating her. And we ended up being a little friendly and we talked a few minutes. And I had turned around in myself, which prepared me to have a good class. If I came here with that situation I could not teach a decent class. And it's when you begin to, in a real way, say you're sorry, not because of a difference between you and another person, but because you are using.....